Thirteen-year old Marie was busy studying her math. She was trying hard to figure out the homework problems by herself, but her body language told Mom that Marie was having trouble. She was shifting dramatically in her chair, shaking her head, and sighing heavily.
All of a sudden Marie exclaimed, “I’m just NO GOOD in math! I’ll NEVER understand this stuff!” And she slammed her book shut.
Mom, what would you say to Marie?
What Marie is doing is called negative self-talk. An example of negative self-talk is, “I’m so stupid!” An example of good self-talk is to think, “That’s not like me. I usually don’t make mistakes like that.”
Young children believe what they’re told. If children hear, all of their lives, “Our family isn’t good in math - Dad and I don’t understand it - none of our family does well in math – those children will believe it and manifest that belief in their lives.
Marie is growing up with a paradigm of math failure. Because she believes she can’t do well in math, she can’t. Then Marie further sets herself up to fail by saying, “I’ll never understand it.” And unless something changes her belief, she won’t ever succeed in math.
How important it is to exemplify positive self-talk by talking like this:
“It wasn’t like me to lose my temper - I usually stay calm and in control. I’m sure I’ll do better next time.”
As it relates to her math frustrations, Mom could say, “Marie, I see how frustrated you are. But you’re a good student and you usually don’t give up. I’m sure you’ll be able to understand it better with some help. I like the way you’ve been trying so hard. What can we do to get you some help in math?
Parents, do your best to give your children the gift of positive self-talk by lifting them up. And do it for yourselves, too - every chance you get.
For more Parenting Solutions by Dr. Paula (“The Joy Lady”) visit www.CheerfulNoise.com
Helping Women Live Joyful Lives,
Paula Fellingham
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