I recently returned from presenting 48 seminars in 32 cities across America. I learned that most women have very similar challenges in their lives. I dedicate my blog entries to all women who want to live more joyful lives and need some assistance and solutions… women who want to make positive changes in their personal lives and as mothers. In my blogs I address the most frequently-asked questions I receive at seminars and from webinars and emails. Here’s one:
Question: How should I handle children who sulk and give Mom the silent treatment when they’re disciplined?
Here’s a typical scenario with a seven year-old by named Matthew:
Matthew was having a wonderful time outside with his friend Joey. They were
riding their bikes and seeing who could pedal the fastest.
As Mom watched out the window she could see that the two boys were going so fast they were just barely able to stop their bikes at the edge of their busy corner.
Mom called to the boys to slow down. They did - for awhile. After Mom warned Matthew two more times to slow down, he still wasn’t obeying. She called him into the house. Matthew went to his room and sulked; he wouldn’t answer her questions and refused to speak.
Answer:
Parents shouldn’t force their children to talk. Not talking is a childish way of “getting even.” And, if you retaliate with the silent treatment - not talking to him - you’re being just as childish. Matthew is upset and doesn’t know how to handle his feelings well.
I would give Matthew some time. Then I’d go in to his room and say, “Honey, I know you were having a lot of fun out there with Joey. I like to see you have fun! But I love you very, very much. What you were doing was dangerous. When you ride really fast you can’t stop as easily at the corner, and cars drive fast on that street. It’s part of my job as your mom to keep you safe from harm. I want to be a really good mom for you and help you grow up to be the wonderful man I know you’ll be someday.
You have a really good start at being a wonderful man...because you’re such an awesome boy now! Do you know how sad your family would be if anything ever happened to our favorite 7 year old in all the world?”
“Now, Matthew...what you need to understand is that when Mom told you to slow down, you obeyed for just a little while. Honey, we are always obedient in our family. When Mom tells you to slow down you should have kept going slowly. That would have been obeying the right way. Next time, I’m sure you’ll obey the right way, because you’re such an obedient son.”
Then put your arms around him and hold him for a minute. After those valuable deposits of love, you shouldn’t have any trouble with Matthew talking.
If he is really stubborn, and still refuses to talk, I’d say, “Matthew, if you choose to be silent and sulk, then you need to stay in your room. Just as soon as you’re ready to be happy and talk again, you may come out and join the family. I love you!”
Visit www.CheerfulNoise.com (launching Dec. 1, 2007) for more Parenting Tips by Dr. Paula Fellingham, The Stay-at-Home Mom Expert who “Helps Women Live More Joyfully”
Helping Women Live Joyful Lives,
Paula Fellingham
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