Michael was seventeen years old. When he wasn’t in school he was either playing basketball or working at the local car parts store. He enjoyed his job but he worked with men who didn’t share his beliefs or standards. In the store they played hard rock music filled with filthy language and references to sex. It wasn’t long before Mike was buying the CDs of the groups he listened to at work.
If Michael was your son, what would you do?
The facts are indisputable. More and more, people are accepting trashy lyrics, immodest clothing and pre-marital sex. What a challenge it is to help our children internalize moral values!
We want our children to be able to reach inside themselves and have the courage to act on their belief that immoral behavior is wrong. They need to understand that if you believe the lyrics of a song are bad, listening to those lyrics - over and over - will do nothing good for you.
Instead, you will become numb to how negative they are, then you will allow them to actually become part of you as you assimilate those words into your subconscious mind.
If Michael were my son I would talk to him kindly and frankly about this. I would first express my deep love for him and then talk about how opposition in this life is part of God’s plan for us. We have many choices and God has given us the gift of agency. We can choose how to behave during our turn on Earth.
I would try and help Michael understand what a choice and special son he is. I would ask him to share his feelings about this with me. And I would listen very carefully, with empathy and understanding, remembering what it’s like to be seventeen years old.
Finally, I would make it very clear that our home is a refuge from the storms of life. I’d remind him that we’re trying to make our home a peaceful haven, and as parents we simply won’t allow anything in our home that would take away from the loving atmosphere we want to create.
Kindly but firmly I’d tell Michael that the type of music he is buying is unacceptable. And I would give him a choice: he can trade his CDs for some acceptable music which I’ll buy, or he can throw them away.
If Michael refuses to obey, he would be disciplined. It’s our parental stewardship to teach children right from wrong. Always with love.
Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s very difficult.
However, in spite of how strongly our children oppose us, they need parents who clearly uphold high, value-based standards.
For more Parenting Solutions by Dr. Paula visit www.CheerfulNoise.com
Helping Women Live Joyful Lives,
Paula Fellingham
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