Parenting Solutions by Dr. Paula (“The Joy Lady”)
Mom was driving 12 year-old Jennifer and two of her friends to a school play. As they drove along Mom commented on some current sports competition in Australia. She said, “Did you girls hear that the United States Girl’s Softball Team won the Gold Medal in Australia?”
Jennifer immediately contradicted her saying, “No, Mom, you’re wrong! The team from China won the gold medal.” Mom knew Jennifer was wrong and she was right.
What’s one good way for Mom to handle Jennifer’s remark?
Jennifer had unkindly contradicted her mother. Mom’s facts were right; her daughter was wrong. Mom could argue with her daughter, or discipline Jennifer in front of her friends, proving her authority and that she was right. Too often this is exactly what parents do. They argue with their children. Or their egos are offended and they get angry. Neither of these teaching methods are effective.
Teaching a child – whatever their age - to not talk back or contradict has everything to do with respect.
If you want to teach your children to respect you, you need to show them respect. As parents we should be way past retaliation.
In this situation, to show Jennifer respect Mom wouldn’t embarrass her in front of her friends. Mom would wait until after the play, when Jennifer gets into bed, and have a heart-to-heart talk.
Mom could say something like, “Honey, I want to talk to you about something that’s bothering me. Is that okay? Jennifer, do you remember when we were in the car on the way to the school...and you contradicted me?”
Moms, you may be surprised to discover that contradicting becomes such a habit, Jennifer may not even be aware of it. Remind your daughter of the situation and then say, “Honey, it makes me sad and sometimes upset when you contradict me like that. Can you think of something else you could have said that wouldn’t have been quite so unkind....a better way to say it?”
Then talk to your daughter calmly about how contradicting people quickly becomes a habit. And ask her what you can do to help her with this.
Before you leave her bedroom remind her of your love, and your hope - that nothing will ever happen to damage the sweet relationship you share.
For more Parenting Solutions by Dr. Paula visit www.CheerfulNoise.com
Helping Women Live Joyful Lives,
Paula Fellingham
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